How to Talk to Your Child When a Loved One Enters Hospice

When a loved one enters hospice care, you may find yourself navigating your own emotions while also trying to protect and comfort your child. Children can sense when something is wrong—even if they don’t fully understand it. And when the person in hospice is a grandparent or someone close, those emotions can hit even harder.

It is important to talk openly with your child during this time. Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing or giving too much information.

How can you find the right balance?

Children grieve in their own way based on age and emotional development.

This article gives practical advice to help you support your child during hospice care so they can understand what is happening and cope with the changes ahead.

A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Children for Hospice and Loss

Here are some key steps for preparing your child for hospice care:

Step 1: Understand How Kids Process Grief at Every Age

Children’s grasp of death changes as they grow up. Recognising these differences will help you choose your words and approach carefully.

Young Children (Toddlers to Preschoolers)

Young kids mostly think of death as something that isn’t permanent or can be reversed, much like a storybook. They may ask the same questions repeatedly and may not fully understand that their loved one won’t return. Instead of using words, they show sadness through changes in behavior, like being clingy or having tantrums.

School-Age Children

From ages 6 to 12, kids begin to understand that death cannot be changed. They may feel scared about being left alone or worry that other beloved ones might die too. They can struggle to express their feelings, sometimes showing anger or withdrawing instead of talking.

Recent data shows that about 6.3 million children in the United States, will lose a parent or sibling before they turn 18. Many of these children show changes in behavior, such as withdrawing from others, having angry outbursts, or taking reckless risks.

Teenagers

Teens understand death on an intellectual level, but they often have complex feelings like guilt, anger, or denial. They want independence but still need comfort and emotional support. Sometimes, teenagers keep their feelings to themselves, so creating a space for open and non-judgmental communication is essential.

Knowing these common reactions can help you better understand your child’s needs, allowing you to respond with kindness and support.

Step 2: Use Clear, Age-Appropriate Language to Explain Hospice

Hospice care can be a confusing idea, especially for kids who think hospitals are only for getting better. When talking about hospice:

• Use clear and simple words, for example, you can say, "Hospice provides special care that helps seriously ill people feel comfortable and loved in their final days."
• Avoid using complicated terms or phrases like "leaving" or "taking a long rest," as they can confuse or scare children.
• They should relate hospice care to something they know, like how their family supports them when they feel hurt or sick.

When it is time to have those tender conversations, it is normal to feel unsure about what to say. This guide on what to say to someone in hospice can help you approach the moment with compassion and clarity.

Step 3: Encourage Questions and Emotional Expression

Kids need to feel safe to express their feelings without being upset by adults. Here are some ways to create that safe place:

• Encourage your child to ask any questions they have, no matter how big or small.
• Listen carefully and acknowledge their feelings instead of rushing to fix or ignore the issue.
• Watch for signs like withdrawal, irritability, or changes in sleep or appetite. These may mean your child needs more support.
• Remember, you don’t need to talk about hospice and grief all at once. Short, ongoing conversations can be more helpful than one long talk.

Step 4: Help Your Child Feel Involved and Connected

Children often feel powerless in challenging situations. Giving them opportunities to get involved can help them feel more in control and connected.

• Engage in activities that create memories, like making photo albums, drawing pictures, or writing letters to the special person, helping your kid express their emotions and feel attached.
• If it feels right and your child wants to, let them visit and say goodbye. Prepare them by explaining what to expect.
• Try to keep daily routines as steady as possible. A regular schedule can provide comfort when everything else feels uncertain.
• These activities honor the loved one and help your child process their feelings via positive actions.

Step 5: Seek Support from Therapists Or Support Groups

Emotional support is essential for you and your child during this challenging time.

Talking to an expert can help ease your worries. Many people feel better knowing they are not alone. Understanding how to speak to someone in hospice care is also crucial. Using the right words can bring comfort and respect to patients and their families during tough conversations.

Consider contacting counselors, therapists, or support groups that help families in grief. Experts can teach your child how to cope and give you helpful techniques to support them.

Step 6: Prepare Your Child for What’s Coming

Hospice care can change both the health and daily life of your loved one. Preparing your child for these changes can help reduce their anxiety about the unknown.

According to the HAP Foundation, about 400,000 children in the United States are living with serious illnesses that could benefit from palliative care. This shows that several children need palliative care, but they often do not get it. This is due to limited access and a lack of awareness among healthcare providers and families.

• Let your child know that the hospice team will keep their loved one comfortable, even though their condition may change from day to day.
• Have honest conversations with your child about the possibility that their loved one might die soon. Reassure them that it’s normal to have mixed feelings about this.
• Keep discussing these topics regularly as things change. This way, your kid will feel involved and informed, rather than surprised by sudden changes.

In the End

Helping your child understand and manage their feelings when a loved one goes into hospice care is a personal and sensitive journey. Talk openly and gently, using words they can know. This approach helps your child process their emotions and reduces the confusion and fear that often accompany such a significant loss.

Supporting your child during this tough time strengthens your family bonds and builds a strong foundation for healing and resilience. Trust your instincts, be patient with yourself and your child, and remember that asking for help if needed is okay.

Together, with love and understanding, you can navigate this challenging time and find moments of peace despite the uncertainty.