Navigating Adoption as an LGBTQIA+ Couple: a Real-World Guide

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Parenting as an LGBTQIA+ couple often comes with a few extra steps, and adoption is a common path. According to a 2024 UCLA study, 21% of same-sex couples adopt, compared to just 3% of different-sex couples.

As queer families become more visible, support has become more inclusive and affirming. Adoption laws are also evolving to reflect this change. To help same-sex couples navigate adoption, this quick guide offers some actionable insights.

Understanding LGBTQ+ Adoption Laws and Realities

Adoption laws for same-sex couples have come a long way, but more changes are needed. A Supreme Court decision in 2015 (Obergefell v. Hodges) made joint adoption by same-sex couples available in all 50 states. But discrimination still exists. Some states allow groups to deny LGBTQIA+ parents based on religious beliefs.

One of the challenges some LGBTQIA+ parents still face is when a biological mother’s wife isn’t listed as a parent on the birth certificate, even if through donor insemination. Another challenge is that some states have restrictions on surrogacy. Compensated surrogacy is outlawed in Nebraska and Louisiana, for example.

Adoption offers a route for LGBTQIA+ parents who might face legal barriers with surrogacy.

How to Choose the Best Adoption Path for You

There’s more than one adoption path, and each has its trade-offs.

Domestic Infant Adoption

Domestic infant adoption happens within your home country. The birth parents voluntarily place the child and often choose the adoptive family.

This route can be simpler for LGBTQIA+ parents, since other paths may not always be available. For instance, international adoptions might not always go through, as there’s no guarantee that the other country will honor LGBTQIA+ parental rights.

Foster-to-Adopt

The foster system is designed to take care of children on a temporary basis; the goal is reunification. When there’s no opportunity for reunification with the birth parents or other family members, foster parents may choose to adopt. This process takes longer than domestic infant adoptions, as all possible avenues of reunification need to be explored first.

Fostering doesn’t guarantee adoption approval even when reunification is no longer possible. In these states, adoption can be especially difficult, as some states allow agencies to refuse to work with same-sex couples on the basis of religious grounds:

International Adoption

Currently, 38 countries protect LGBTQ+ rights and ban discrimination in adoption. As a same-sex couple, you can adopt from:

However, large parts of Africa, Asia, and the Muslim world have explicit bans against LGBTQ+ adoptions and even criminalize homosexuality. Countries like Honduras have a ban on adoption by same-sex couples. Russia banned international adoptions to countries that allow gender affirmation and gender transition.

What to Expect from the Home Study Process

The home study process typically takes around two months to complete and includes background checks, reference interviews, adoptive parent interviews, and a home safety check. This is one of the areas where LGBTQIA+ communities may face bias during interviews, often due to inappropriate or uninformed questions.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation designed an LGBTQIA+ inclusive checklist to help guide caseworkers through interview questions and highlight how they might be different from interviewing heterosexual people. For instance, caseworkers may ask about their coming out experience, how that’s shaped their relationships, and what it means for their parenting journey.

Examples of questions to expect may include:

Question: Does your support system, for instance, family and friends, embrace your partner? How do they feel about you possibly parenting together? Will they be supportive?

Explanation: The extended family often forms the base of the support network you would need as adoptive parents. If there is any bias towards lifestyle choices, the parents need to clarify how they will treat this. They need to indicate how they will mitigate possible support issues and negativity towards their adoptive children.

Building a Support System and Working with Inclusive Professionals

Adoption brings both joy and challenges, and it’s easier when you have someone you trust. Queer parenting networks and affirming legal and agency help can make all the difference. Connect with LGBTQIA+ parenting support groups, such as Family Equality, American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), and Human Rights Campaign (HRC).

Make sure adoption agencies have a track record of supporting LGBTQIA+ families. Look at past adoption success stories and reviews to see whether the agency has successfully placed children with queer families.

Final Thoughts: Your Family, Your Future

According to Angel Adoption, remember that it’s love that defines a family and not your gender or structure. Your path to a family is valid and you deserve to work with a group that celebrates your life story and all the love you have to offer a child.